
NPR recently published an article outlining the phenomenon of “cancer ghosting,” in which those affected by cancer often feel abandoned or ignored by friends and family following their diagnosis. This can happen for a multitude of reasons; however, most loved ones of patients report just not knowing what to say (and then not saying anything at all). This is often referred to as “the conspiracy of silence” in the psychotherapy space.
Unfortunately, when loved ones pull back from those going through cancer, it can be isolating, hurtful and, for many, just confusing.
If you are a loved one of someone going through a cancer diagnosis, here are a few things that you can do to help acknowledge what your friend or family member may be going through (even if you don’t know quite what to say):
- Be Present: Every patient going through cancer has a different set of needs, desires and experiences. Some may want someone to vent to (without needing advice). Some may want to do an activity or talk about something that has nothing to do with cancer. The only way to know what your loved one needs is to ask. Just being present can make a huge difference.
- Offer to help: Tasks such as child care, grocery shopping, meal planning or decorating for the holidays can create additional stress on patients and families dealing with a cancer diagnosis. Offering specific ways to help, such as walking the dogs or offering a ride to treatment, can be a way to connect while providing some much-needed support. Instead of asking, “Do you need help with anything?” be specific about how you can help so it gives them a choice. Try to avoid placing the burden of “helping” on the patient and their family.
- Educate yourself and LISTEN: Do research about the specific needs of your loved one based on their individual diagnosis or treatment. Provide a listening ear and validate the emotions they may be feeling.
Friends, family and loved ones are a huge and important part of the cancer care team. By prioritizing patients’ needs, loved ones can continue to support those going through treatment without isolating them out of fear of not saying the perfect thing (Hint: It doesn’t exist!).
UofL Health – Brown Cancer Center is Here for You
For the past 40 years, UofL Health – Brown Cancer Center has been a leading face of world-renowned academic research and cancer care. As a result, we help patients face cancer with new hope throughout Kentuckiana and around the globe. Call 502-562-HOPE (4673) to learn more and make an appointment.